2008 Woodie Awards
How to Turn His Passivity Into Passion
G.M. Grosso
Issue date: 12/11/03 Section: Feature
- Page 1 of 2 next >
Dear G.M.,
My boyfriend has a little problem with passion. He's sweet, and I know he's trying to be gentle, but frankly he's boring the hell out of me. I want him to be more aggressive and adventurous in terms of sexuality. How do I tell him this?
~L.L.~
This is a tricky subject. Men are often perplexed as to what a women needs if it isn't clearly spelled out. How can you blame them? They aren't women, and they don't know the trillions of things that swarm around our heads all day.
When it comes to sex, they aren't always all confidence and smiles. They're concerned with performance as much as we are, and they do have a difficult job after all is said and done. Pleasing a woman can be a very complex thing.
Since all women aren't alike, there is no handbook to guide your boyfriend on how to satisfy you. Perhaps his problem is that he's stuck in a rigid model of what worked for someone else.
Maybe he's taking for granted that you enjoy the same things as the other women that he's been with.
Even if this is not the case, he may be getting information from unreliable sources that are biased to their own experiences. It's up to you to let him know exactly what you want.
Telling a man how you like to be pleasured is not only uncomfortable at times, but it's also slightly tricky since you are dealing with something as fragile as the ego.
Don't be too abrasive or mocking in the way you tell him how you're feeling about his less than seductive ways.
Lightly suggest that you like things a little differently than the way they've been going. If you're embarrassed verbalizing such feelings, then use actions instead. Be assertive in the bedroom.
Take charge with force and see how he reacts. Perhaps this will stimulate his passionate side and help him to get more into things. If he's freaked out by your assertion, then you'll have to talk about what's going on.
Inform him that you enjoy sweet forehead kisses but you also enjoy being in the moment. Tell him not to be afraid to get carried away with his passion.
My boyfriend has a little problem with passion. He's sweet, and I know he's trying to be gentle, but frankly he's boring the hell out of me. I want him to be more aggressive and adventurous in terms of sexuality. How do I tell him this?
~L.L.~
This is a tricky subject. Men are often perplexed as to what a women needs if it isn't clearly spelled out. How can you blame them? They aren't women, and they don't know the trillions of things that swarm around our heads all day.
When it comes to sex, they aren't always all confidence and smiles. They're concerned with performance as much as we are, and they do have a difficult job after all is said and done. Pleasing a woman can be a very complex thing.
Since all women aren't alike, there is no handbook to guide your boyfriend on how to satisfy you. Perhaps his problem is that he's stuck in a rigid model of what worked for someone else.
Maybe he's taking for granted that you enjoy the same things as the other women that he's been with.
Even if this is not the case, he may be getting information from unreliable sources that are biased to their own experiences. It's up to you to let him know exactly what you want.
Telling a man how you like to be pleasured is not only uncomfortable at times, but it's also slightly tricky since you are dealing with something as fragile as the ego.
Don't be too abrasive or mocking in the way you tell him how you're feeling about his less than seductive ways.
Lightly suggest that you like things a little differently than the way they've been going. If you're embarrassed verbalizing such feelings, then use actions instead. Be assertive in the bedroom.
Take charge with force and see how he reacts. Perhaps this will stimulate his passionate side and help him to get more into things. If he's freaked out by your assertion, then you'll have to talk about what's going on.
Inform him that you enjoy sweet forehead kisses but you also enjoy being in the moment. Tell him not to be afraid to get carried away with his passion.