2008 Woodie Awards
Questions On Sexuality and Love
When Might Friends Be More Than Friends and How to Find Love in The Scene
G.M. Grosso
Issue date: 12/2/04 Section: Feature
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Dear G.M.,
I've been hanging out with this guy a lot lately, and I'm not sure if he's gay or not. He knows that I am, and he seems to be really comfortable with it, but he hasn't said anything to me about himself being gay. He doesn't really talk about girls ever, and I definitely like him. Should I say something, or do you think that would make things weird between us if he's not gay?
~J.R.~
This is a tricky situation. You don't want to mess up the friendship that you've already established, but if you are having feelings for this guy, they are obviously going to get in the way of your friendship. You should put out some general feelers before being blatantly honest.
There are subtle ways to go about it. See how he responds to comments you make about other guys, and talk about issues within the gay community that are really important to you. If he feels comfortable, he may have no problems coming out to you - without you having to directly ask him.
There is however, always a chance that he is not gay. If you tell him outright that you are interested in him, it may make him slightly uncomfortable if he doesn't feel the same.
He may think you are an awesome person to hang out with, but he may not be interested in you in the same way that you are interested in him. So, although it may be the simplest way to express what you are feeling, it is a bit on the risky side.
There is always another option, and if you are patient, it may very well work for you. The second option is to continue to move forward in your friendship, and see if he initiates anything with you. I know this is time consuming and may not seem like the best option, but it may save you some discomfort.
You have to figure out which method is best for you, but I would suggest going with the subtle hints. It's always risky when you have to tell someone that you are interested in them, and the possibility of rejection is always there, but some will say if you never risk, you never win.
I've been hanging out with this guy a lot lately, and I'm not sure if he's gay or not. He knows that I am, and he seems to be really comfortable with it, but he hasn't said anything to me about himself being gay. He doesn't really talk about girls ever, and I definitely like him. Should I say something, or do you think that would make things weird between us if he's not gay?
~J.R.~
This is a tricky situation. You don't want to mess up the friendship that you've already established, but if you are having feelings for this guy, they are obviously going to get in the way of your friendship. You should put out some general feelers before being blatantly honest.
There are subtle ways to go about it. See how he responds to comments you make about other guys, and talk about issues within the gay community that are really important to you. If he feels comfortable, he may have no problems coming out to you - without you having to directly ask him.
There is however, always a chance that he is not gay. If you tell him outright that you are interested in him, it may make him slightly uncomfortable if he doesn't feel the same.
He may think you are an awesome person to hang out with, but he may not be interested in you in the same way that you are interested in him. So, although it may be the simplest way to express what you are feeling, it is a bit on the risky side.
There is always another option, and if you are patient, it may very well work for you. The second option is to continue to move forward in your friendship, and see if he initiates anything with you. I know this is time consuming and may not seem like the best option, but it may save you some discomfort.
You have to figure out which method is best for you, but I would suggest going with the subtle hints. It's always risky when you have to tell someone that you are interested in them, and the possibility of rejection is always there, but some will say if you never risk, you never win.